


This Isn't Love

by PetrichorPerfume



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Study, Cheating, Demon Blood Addict Sam, Extremely Dubious Consent, Jealous Sam Winchester, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Sexual Coercion, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 19:19:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2121660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam isn't in love with Castiel. (Except that he is.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Isn't Love

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Extreme dub-con and sexual coercion.
> 
> Slight AU in which Cas never breaks Sam's wall.

Sam isn’t in love with Castiel. (He’s not.) He isn’t jealous that the angel – angel, _angel,_ just like he’d _always_ known – spoke to Dean first, and he isn’t upset when Cas brushes him off like a speck of dust the first time they meet. He doesn’t fall in love with the angel the moment Dean tells him about him, because one simply doesn’t _fall in love_ with _angels._ Well, maybe Dean does, but Dean is the exception to every rule ever made. Sam Winchester does _not_ fall in love at first sight with angels, even if Dean Winchester does.

 

It doesn’t break him when Castiel calls him an abomination, (because he’s already broken) because Sam Winchester does not break. And he doesn’t keep drinking Ruby’s blood just because Castiel – Castiel, who can barely look at him, Castiel, who is in love or lust or _something_ with Dean, Castiel, who is also teetering on the brink of something dangerous, Castiel, who he is _not_ in love with – tells him not to.

 

(Except that maybe he is, and maybe he does.)

 

Sam isn’t in love with Castiel. (Not anymore.) He isn’t blinded by his love for the angel when Cas starts acting shady, and he isn’t heartbroken when Cas betrays them. He’s reasonably concerned when Cas declares himself to be God, but it doesn’t tear him apart or keep him up at night. He doesn’t pray to Cas because he misses him, or because he loves him, or even because they’re friends, because they’re _not_ friends, and he _doesn’t_ love him, and he _doesn’t_ miss him, but Dean does.

 

He doesn’t fall apart when Castiel’s eyes turn dark and some horrible, ancient creature informs them that the angel “isn’t home right now.” He doesn’t pick up Castiel’s coat or fold it up or hug it close or take it out and wrap it around himself when he thinks that no one is looking. He doesn’t shatter when Cas dies, but Dean does.

 

(Except that maybe watching Dean spin out of control hurts him more than it’ll ever hurt Dean.)

 

He doesn’t cry when Cas comes back to them, and he’s not the one who falls into bed with the angel the very same night. He doesn’t listen to the sounds of their love-making, because it isn’t love-making (it is), it’s just sex (it isn’t), and he doesn’t press himself up against the wall to listen to their sleepy kisses and he doesn’t pretend that when Cas says, “I love you, Dean,” it’s _his_ name the angel is whispering, and he doesn’t say, “I love you, too.”

 

(Except that maybe he does.)

 

He isn’t seething with jealousy the next morning, and he doesn’t have a crick in his neck from falling asleep against the wall. His blood doesn’t boil at the tender look Cas gives Dean or the way Dean’s hands brush ever so slightly against his angel’s skin. He doesn’t even think about taking Dean’s angel, because he’s Sam Winchester and he’s not allowed to have nice things.

 

He doesn’t drag Cas out into the alley beside the hotel that night when Dean is out getting dinner and he doesn’t lie to the angel and say that Dean won’t mind, and he doesn’t use just a little too much force on purpose. He doesn’t start to cry when Cas comes screaming Dean’s name, and he doesn’t just _take it_ when Dean finds them like that and starts throwing punches because “You made him fucking _bleed,_ Sammy!”

 

(Except that he does. He does, because he’s in love with Cas and he has been all along.)

 

Sam Winchester isn’t in love with Castiel, except...  Except that he is.


End file.
